Beauty At It's Best.

Le-Bah.

2005-11-05T00:18:03Z

New Livejournal.

It's Friends Only.
I'm too lazy to convert all my other entries.
Name inspired by Danielle. <3
Add & comment bitches.

</a></a>

</a></a>

Confused...

2005-11-03T03:58:26Z

I'd like to start off with a fantastic day.
It really wasn't.
I know I shouldn't be writing this in my Livejournal, and I should just talk to people it concerns..
But..this is the only way I know how to vent to myself.
Read it or not, it's not that important.

Lately, I've been filled with a lot of confusion and regret..
But haven't voiced it.
I feel like the timing is off...way off...
And I'm feeling things I really shouldn't be feeling.
On the other hand, someone cares about me.
They love me with every beat of their heart...
And I can only give them half of that..

The truth...I gave my whole heart away a long time ago...and I've only ever gotten half of it back.
I can't expect someone to give 100% of I'm only capable of giving 50%, it isn't fair to him.

The confusion part sets in when I really think I had myself convinced.
And then when I look deep inside, I find that I've just been lieing to myself.
I know it's only because I don't like the neglect, or the hurt..and I'd rather just forget about it than acting face head on.
But, realistically I should have done that from the beginning.

I really don't know what I want to happen as of right now.
I'm scared, confused, hurt, lost..you name it.
And I really don't think I deserve to be.

Feruza was talking to me for most of the day.
Jay has been talking to me for most of the night.
Trying to help me figure things out.
Throwing questions at me that I really should know the answers to.
Some I do...but some I don't.
They both brought me to the realization Brian doesn't deserve this.
He doesn't deserve to be second best to anyone.
I'm tired of the comparison.
I think him and I have a different love, not stronger..not weaker, just different.

I know I want my ex in my life, it's as simple as that.
Whether he's there in intervals of weeks or months.
I need him there.
I can't just walk away from the only person who's actually cared about me, regardless of what I've done to them.
He may not be in love with me, but he does love me.
And I know if I needed him there, he'd be there in a split second.
I can't say the same for many other people.
Then again, maybe I'd be better off letting him leave my life.
He has a lot going on that he needs to deal with.
Maybe less of me would improve things?
.
And then Brian...
I know you would do anything for me just so I wouldn't have to deal with an ounce of sadness.
You want me to be happy, even if you don't make yourself happy.
That means the world to me..
But you need to make yourself happy, before you can concentrate on me.
What do you want?
If it's not me anymore, that's fine...I can live with myself knowing I'm not what makes you happy.
I know that we'd be good friends anyways, because that's the kind of amazing person you are.
If it is, I know eventually this could work out.
I'm just not sure if the timing is right.
It never will be right.
Advice anyone?
I could definately use it.

I'm heading to bed.
I've tried to get my mind of things all night.
I failed miserably.
Maybe if I go into a sleep deep enough, I'll forget about everything until tomorrow morning.
Goodnight.

"You were the chosen one!
It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them.
You were to bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness! "

Happy Halloween, Bitches.

2005-11-01T03:14:08Z

Today, crap.
I need to start going to Health Science before I flunk beyond flunk.
My Max is in that class <3, and he pointed out today that I'm never there.
Yeah, fuck that...
I went to Eng Lit, just to watch a pathetic play..
& Finally Maths.
Bugged Elizabeth for answers, chatted with Max, made plans for tonight.
...
Max came over to my house after class was over, with Alex.
Alex stole my black "Nicole Ritchie" sunglasses for her costume, and peaced.
Kate came by with Jamie, and we decorated the house for Halloween.
It was fun, minus the fact JAMIE CAN'T TAPE WORTH SHIT.
And after she left, Kate and I had to fix it all.
Le-aghhhhhhh!
...
A lot of kids stopped by.
Including many like..
19 year old teenagers who recognized me and said hi.
They had masks on and I hadn't the slightest clue who they were.
I dully waved and sat back on top of Max, because I'm more of an observer / product tester when it comes to handing out candy.
We went for a nice walk shortly after, across a very dark path.
In which we were all holding hands, because Kate and I are pansies.
And then we partied.
...
What a perfect time to cuddle and watch zombie movies is all I can say.
And we'll leave it at that.
..
I'm done with this update.
Nothing of importance really happened..

New Hair...................

2005-10-31T05:07:52Z

I've finally achieved somewhat of a random color, yes.
It's blonde, yet not orange..just..different.
Strawberry blonde, if you will.
I'll conduct a decent update when these pictures are over.

I realize I look horrendous. Le-yay.

A stare of interest..I also wanted to see if I could pull off 'hair behind ears"
Turns out, I can.

And again.

I turned blonde :O

Behind these hazel eyes, bitches.

The entire point being I love it.
I didn't until Samantha, Laura & Josh passed judgement.
They did, they loved it.
I win, correct?
..
I like. spent the night arguing, crying and whinning.
Sam came over to do her fucking hair.
She's such a fucking idiot....
Do your hair at your own house, moron.
& she pissed Navid off while doing it..le-shhh.
Brian was "too tired" to do anything.
Regardless of how many times he rejects my offers, I'm still a sucker for that boy.
Damn me.
..
Whatever, Kevin cancelled on me to get laid.
Brian didn't want to do anything.
Pooh Bear went to bed.
All my girls were out with their boyfriends and..."friends"...
So for the rest of the night PJ, Jamie & I had sibling bonding time.
In which I hardcore sucked at Dance Dance Revolution Mario Mix.
My feet-eye coordination is zero.
We also discussed pros and cons for potential and present relationships, which passed the time.
& ended up in me taking random pictures, which I haven't had a chance to upload yet.
But I will...oh yes...I will.
..
Now to introduce you to the boy who rules my heart, as of right now.
Not in the sense that I want to date him.
In the sense that he's damn sexy, and amazing to hang out with.

Elli....
Short for Elliot, but he hates it...so nobody uses it.
Except me, because I'm a pain in the ass..what can I say?
Reason I adore him: Do you know anyone else who makes chick jeans looks sooo damn good?
The spacers can go, because I find them disgustingly unattractive.
The amazingly emo tattoos can stay, a long with the amazing body he now possesses.
Plans are definately on for Tuesday, pumpkin.
..
Halloween is tomorrow.
This means harassing my parents until they let me stay out and not attend classes the next morning without too much of a hassle.
Good luck me.

Ciao Sexies.

A Post To Hold Y'all Off.

2005-10-30T06:18:28Z

So you um know, the next post is going to consist of pictures of my hair.
I'm on the laptop, without photoshop.
I stupidly uploaded them on, not thinking I couldn't resize them on my own.
& bang, photobucket screws me over by not resizing their images anymore.
Le-damn.
So tomorrow.
However, I'll update now, I guess.

I saw Saw 2 last night.
Ironically my parents left for the night as well.
So I was home on my own because PJ went to work.
I ended up partying and hanging out with Pooh Bear.
It was fun, like...a lot of fun.
..
Today, I basically woke up at 9am!
Can you say Candace was grumpy?...such an understatement
I layed there for awhile, I'm not sure how long, it just didn't seem very long.
Huhfuhfjweiruiwjeqkjnewmqndjewf.
Needless to say, it was too early after that late of a night.
I left to get my hair done and breakfast.
Both turned out fantastic, in my opinion.
My mom loves it too. Brian liked it. PJ says it looks dumb. My dad said "whatever, I don't have to wear it, so if you like it..good". My best friend Samantha says "Oh my god....so..short...oh my god....this is so weird...BUT IT LOOKS LOVELY..YAY!". Will loved it. & Kevin is undecided.
This leaves me a 4-1-2 ratio. You work out the math.
I didn't get it dyed professionally though, because I was there for like a good 2 hours just gabbing and gossiping,..
half the time not even doing anything with my hair.
So I just let her cut it, however she wanted.
I have more layers than a wedding cake.
I left shortly after. Suzanne had to tell me she wants to see me every couple of weeks over and over again.
Why not say "Please-come-back-and-give-me-money-because-that's-all-I-care-about", and done.
..
So I was going to dye it blonde, but quickly jumped on the computer.
Brian messaged me saying he was just about to call me and ask me to go out for sushi or chinese.
I declined because I had already eaten.
So he said he had other places to go, just incase I was interested in tagging along.
I told him to call me once he was done washing his car.
I sat on my bed and realized I haven't seen him in awhile. I miss him. He's fun to hang out with. I'm not doing anything else.Sure, why the hell not?
So when he called I told him I would go, and yeah whatever.
We drove, to...no destination in particular. Then to the liquor store [to buy booze for his roommate].
We ended up going to this sexy coffee house place called Sambossia.....or something.
It's such a romantic little place, so dark with candles on the little tables and gorgeous paintings everywhere, and soft music.
We had these mocha things with expresso, chocolate, & whipped cream, a-fucking-mazing.
I love our conversations, we never talk about anything important, yet I feel like I'm still accomplishing so much.
I'm not going to lie, so many times I just stared at him...taking in every word..and then I'd drift off just wondering..why the hell aren't we together?
And then I would snap out of it, and tune back in to what he was saying.
I think I'm just amazed that even after all I put him through, he's still sticking around and is there for me.
We ended up leaving after a good hour of talking and drinking.
He was going to drop me off, but he made a random stop at Oriental Court for chinese food.
When that was done he dropped me off, but not without a huge hug and a little kiss goodbye.
I think I really wanted to invite him inside, but I decided against it...I just didn't want to see him go.
He would have rejected my offer anyways, but I guess I'll never know.
See you again in a few months, huh cuteheart?
..
I came home, apparently started a fight.
Went to my room, wrote.
Came back out, dyed my hair blonde.
First attempt...orange.
Second attempt....blonde, still orangey..
Third attempt...just a little orange.
Tomorrow = Attempt 4, and maybe even 5.
..

These bad boys are mine in 15 days aka My Birthday.
Le-yay.
Bitches, send me a birthday card..who do you think you are?!
Or...even a note?
SOMETHING PEOPLE....SOMETHING.
Email me a la address.

Love Yous <3.

Gonna Smile And Not Get Worried.

2005-10-28T22:52:00Z

Not right this moment.
I had to change my appointment to tomorrow.
Too many things to do tonight, and my mother couldn't be bothered.
It's her money though, so I can't complain.
As long as I get it done this weekend, and the lady doesn't chop off 3-4 inches instead of 2-2.5, I'll be happy.
Platinum blonde, and eventually black extensions underneathe....Mmmmm.
Yes, I'm such a hipster, and I don't find that a bad thing.
Like, fuck you.
..
I got an amazing wakeup call from Willy.
I think he was wasted, because he kept giggling.
He was all "I wanted to make...hehehe...sure...hehehe you were in class...hehehe on time!"
I thanked him, we chatted for awhile and I hung up.
And then I fell asleep and missed by first class...oops.
..
Max took me out for "lunch" accompanied by our two friends.
I know it's not intentional...but I think subconciously when I meet someone I'm interested in, I flirt excessively.
Boyfriend or not, I come off single. UGH.
Bad trait.
And it's even more awkward when he flirts back.
He is such a sweetheart though.
He even picked me a flower when we were walking through the park [randomly], out of some ladies' garden.
Like, yeah.Hi.I love you already.Bad timing, boy.
We're hanging out tomorrow though, le-yay.
..
I made another new friend...Anton..is it?
He's cute, insanely tall and russian..mmm.
He kept smooshing me because we were outside and I was cold.
And he kept kissing my cheek, which was kind of creepy.
Whatever, all I know is he's smart and is going to help me in 2 of my classes.

Ohwow.Canallyouboysfuckoffandcomebackwhenthetimingisright?

So now I'm on my way to the movies with Jamie to see Saw II.
Brother and Sisterly love.
Ahhhh yeah.
Don't be hatin.
Much love.

mzcandi @ 2005-10-26T21:36:00

2005-10-27T01:56:26Z

I dont like crying at 2 in the am.
It often results in puffy eyes and lack of sleep.
It makes me feel ugly. ..
I hate it.
..
My emotions are for some reason slightly unhinged.
I am a damsal in distress.
Overly dramatic & critical.
& my emotions are going to explode, full force.
..
I don't know what's wrong.
I can't explain my frustration with some people as of lately.
I can't tell you why I feel like everyone is against me.
I don't know why I bother giving it my all anymore.
Nothing is gratifying anymore.
..
However, I am looking forward to Saturday.
Elli may be kind of weird, and he may be kind of emo, and hits on me way too much.
But he's an amazing person & an awesome musician.
We might hang out, providing I go to classes for the rest of the week.
& definately take cute emo pictures of him, because he's photogenic and beautiful.
..
Brian is distant, which is even more frustrating.
No words could describe what an amazing person he is.
He just, seems edgy lately..and sometimes it feels like he regrets me.
Like I'm a burden.
I know the difference, that he loves me and cares about me.
But I can't help but wonder if I'm not enough for him.
And I already know he deserves better, which kills me.
...
I hate when things don't work out the way I want them too.
..
Danielle, I'm sorry about your whole situation.
You know if you need to talk, I'm only an IM/phonecall away.
I understand, to some extent, what you're going through.
& I don't think you deserve it at all.
You're an amazing person, and only one person is forgetting that.
I love you, girl.

Decided To Picture Post.

2005-10-25T22:02:26Z

I decided to picture post before I disappeared for a few days.
Enjoy my ugliness.

I reallly don't know when half of these were taken.
I'ts been over the course of a few days.
They may be in order, they may not..whatever.
Love me anyways.

Text message from Will "But I love you". What a dork.
And I did a fucked up job trying to cover the number. Bleh

1:37 in the AM? Why am I still up?!?

Ah, I look raunchy & I need to turn off the flash.

Off it goes. Ahhhh I'm blurry.

Grrr - So Pimp.

I'm such an f-ing rock star.

I'm on my bed, zonk!

Okay, maybe I'll watch tv.

Sad attempt at trying to reach up and take a picture of my Blink 182 poster.
MISS.

GOT IT...Well...good enough.

Earmuffs :o...Yes I was highly amused for an hour.

Me pimpin out my pink bath robe. MMMHMMM.

And 1..2..3..Pass Out.

Another day - Hanging out with Eowyn & Being Lame.

I'm so serious, le-grrrr. [Day time]

"Like Whoa" [Night Time]

Eowyn stole my cellphone and made long distance
phonecalls to China.

Another Day - Black & White Meets Marilyn Monroe "Candace style".

Le-Bite.

Le-bite...again?
&Finally

Beauty at it's best <333333.

Farewell.

Le-MMM, Son.

2005-10-24T21:39:00Z

Le-Monday, as always overly dreaded.
Updates this week will be scarce.
& I realized they invented LJ cuts for my sole purpose, so hit it.

School
..
So, they're threatening to kick me out, which means that my attendance needs to slightly majorly improve.
[Unless of course, I get a full-time job and go back when I feel like it.]
However, we all know I'd never go back.
This is a problem, a very big unnecessary problem.
So I totally am just going to start going, le-done.
...
This totally awesome guy named Max caught me up in Maths.
Factoring, so I knew it already. However, he let me copy his notes anyways.
It was so sweet.
We got to talking, and apparently we went to public school together, and were in a grade 4/grade 5 split class.
So we ended up discussing teachers we had about 8 years ago, and exchanged emails.
He's now my Math "study buddy", other than Bird.
So, yay I made a new friend today.

Work
..
Sima is getting me a job at Starbucks! [Danielle, I know you're jealous :o]
I could get a better job somewhere else - but where's the fun in that?
Added to the fact that I can brag to my boyfriend about being more of a coffee junkie.
For the win!
...
This isn't taking place until atleast December, but I won't have to work weekends.
I'm extremely cool.

Everything Else
...
Michael called me, probably 5 times today.
I told him I refused to go downtown on my own, and I probably wouldn't go down unless I was going to buy makeup.
So he said he'd come to my area with Colin & Josh on Thursday?
Mmmmhm.
..
Latest addiction = how amazing my boyfriend is.
It's gotten to the point where I'm even whiney and miss him when he's talking to me.
Only a week and a half and I can bug him all the time..stoked.
He isn't afraid to tell me the truth, and he puts up with all of my what I like to call "bipolarness".
Mood swings galore, as of recent.
It's become absolutely ridiculous.
I admire him with putting up with me, and all of my criticism and bullshit.
We both know this relationship is going to be hard and take a lot of work, but we're willing to do that.
Gah, love is so beautiful.

Le-Plans
...
1) "Study date" with Max, Alex & Bird. - Tues.
2) Brian and my "1 Month" - Wed
3) Michael, Colin & Josh come visit moi - Thurs.
4) Getting hair done (Razored & dyed back blonde) -Fri.

This doesn't leave much time to Study, spend time with my boyfriend, and make other plans with people.
Everyone better forgive me for my lack of commenting and updating this week, but I'll try to keep up.
Much love kiddies.

I Get To Stay In, Le-Yay.

2005-10-23T01:00:46Z

So...guys are assholes.
..

Either they're telling me they'll be around and aren't.
Ditching me for people they see all the time, and a few drinks.
Or call me frustrated, and say to do something tomorrow with them, because tonight they "can't make it".
I say, eff all three of you.

I'm seeing an amazing "myself" night,
catching up on a lot of sleep,
& ignoring the phonecalls and text messages of any of the above mentioned.

Yes, I'm way too bitter for my own good.
But I'm allowed to be.
I almost broke my effing ribs today.
Infact, I think they may be bruised.

..
I went to two malls today.
Ended up buying the cutest toggle necklace
Temporarily...until I get my one from Tiffany & Co..
I was very tempted to buy this gorgeous "Miami-styled" shirt today too.
However, I didn't have $90 on me to waste on something I'll only wear once.
Perhaps Wednesday?
I stopped in at The Body Shop to look at their makeup.
However, I wouldn't spend like $35 on two shades..
Unless it's from Sephora or Mac.
I keep adding to this entry.
How lame am I?.

Will, It's safe to call me, Eddison doesn't care anymore. Kinda..sorta..
And now my life is drama free...Le-Mmmm.

~~Your love means more to me than you could ever imagine.~~

My Weekendly Update, Because I Have Better Things To Do....Le-Hah.

2005-10-21T04:47:01Z

This song is amazingly, and rules my life right now.
...Seriously....
So, I think we all know this is going to run into a lot of nonsense.
So I'll LJ-cut it for those who don't want me to fill their friendpage.

Today, sucked.
I have a new found hatred for everyone in my Health Science class now too.
Fucking idiots.
Anyways, I spent the entire night doing, re-doing, and revising an assignment worth 30%.
It's like a..summative...before mid-term.
Absolutely ridiculous & I put it together shitily.
Screwed over again, UGH.
..
I was taking some gay ass pictures
[Like always when I have a momentarily lapse of thought, and don't want to do anymore work]
Cell rang...
It was Willy!
I'm such a sucker for that boy.
He's always so calm and tranquille, and brings that with him..always.
I was all "Come over and help me with my homework, idiot"
And he said that he would help me with my Math factoring, Saturday if I wasn't busy.
But I have to agree to go out to dinner with him during the week.
He's so fucking awesome, I love it.
However, most likely I will be busy on Saturday.
Can you settle for coming over and holding me tomorrow night, jerk?

Totally. appreciate. every. single. thing. he. does. for. me.

..
Brian totally didn't call me back.
Just sent me a sweet text message at like..
2am.
He promised a kiss picture, awwww. I have yet, to break him down into a sensitive dork.
I crave this boy all the time.
I think it's retarded, whereas everyone else says it's "cute".
Ugh, fuck. ~~I hate love~~.
Can't really say that, because we all know the difference.
But why can't we just be sure of everything about it?
It's too difficult for my brain to grasp.
*le sigh*
You better call me tomorrow darling, or damn, you're in trouble.
..
PJ, Megan, Jamie & I intend to go see Doom tomorrow night.
Because I don't want to go see Wallace & Gromit.
I'm always the difficult one of the group.
At first, I didn't want to go because...some people...I can't tolerate, not in the slightest.
However, PJ begged. Jamie whined. I caved.
Such a good sister, it's unbelievable.
..
I'm going to have to whine to either Brian, or PJ & Jamie to go downtown Saturday.
I NEED pigments from MAC, because the ones I recently bought aren't satisfying.
..
It's seems like I have so much to do this weekend, and so little time.
I think I want to hang out with my good friends, some point in time.
I missed birthdays already, and "1 year" anniversaries, that some take pretty seriously.
Soon they're going to flip out about how "I never hang out with them anymore".
My social life may start blossoming now, for in two weeks...It is gone.
On top of the fact I have to start re-doing my room this weekend/week.
Oy vey.
..
I think I would rather call Danielle, make her come over and watch zombie movies.
While dressed up in sexy halloween costumes, and eating her delicious baked cupcakes with black and orange sprinkles.
In a perfect world <3.
Hah, Danielle gets her own little paragraph, because I love her and she's my life.
And that sounds like a far better weekend than this one is turning out to be.
..
If you need me, don't hesitate to call darlings.
416 888 2634.
Especially if your name is Timothy, and you're incredibly gorgeous & owe me money.

ps++ Kevin, please stop text messaging my phone with Kyle's number, I refuse to call him after his comment.

Have a good weekend my darlings. <3
Don't party too hard without me!
Much love.

Now Let's All Get Naked

2005-10-20T00:00:04Z

Oh my god.
So I slept from 2am until 3pm.
That's intense, and I'll be paying for it tomorrow.
When I'm yet again swamped in work.

So I've been sitting here thinking.
And I think I might just finish my mid-term Health Science assignment tonight, hand it in tomorrow.
'Cause I make shit look good.

.. Brian and I were at eachothers' throats again today.
Technically me, more than him, but we all know I never "just take" the blame.
Because that's mature of me No..I can't do that....
Fighting is definately a given in ANY relationship, so it's not all bad.
Discussions and emoness led to a happy conclusion, and now we're cool with eachother.

.. Other Brian didn't call me back, so I sent him a sweet email.
Which he better read and I expect a reply.
I'm going to start bugging him for a kiss picture, until he decides to give in and get me one (:
ps+ You can't move, I ~~might~~ will die.

.. As far as I know, Melissa isn't coming over this weekend. *le tear*
The rooms at the house are getting renovated.
New floors, paint, bedroom sets...the whole shi-bang.
Dumb though, we just got everything re-done like..a year ago?
My parents just love to waste money.

.. Apparently Michael text messaged my cell.
Who he got the number from, I'll never know.
He refuses to tell me.
I've asked all of the limited amount of mutual friends we use to have.
All of them said they never talk to him anymore.
Hell, I haven't even talked to him in a year or so.
Point being is it said :
"Candy [I use to spell my nickname Candy, so it was sweet..opposed to Candi..which sounds like an uninnocent-stripper name] guess who? mike ~~besito~~! long time no talk! hook me up w/ the email + we can meet up. i moved back 2 toronto. ahhh hell yeah"
I must have read if over like 5 times.
4 of which, I laughed at the AHHH HELL YEAH.
[We use to think were were "thug" so we use to say it to eachother all the time.]

Anyways, I tried calling him tonight but got his voicemail.
Ew, his voice is a lot deeper than it use to be.
I left him a message, and he called me back when my phone was in my room.
We chit chatted for a few minutes.
SO...
We might meet up downtown during the weekend, if I go.
Only thing is, he already has a job and probably will have to work day shifts this weekend.
Meaning I can only see him during the night time.
Yet, he doesn't want me to bring friends because he just wants us to do catching up.
But he must be retarded if he thinks I will go downtown by myself.

.. PJ and I want to watch Land of the Dead again, we like critiquing zombie movies.
I still want to watch the newer Dawn of the Dead again, although I've watched it probably 23487483 times.
It's hilarious.
" Is everyone there dead?" "deadish.." " Is everyone there dead?!!?" "Yeah, in the sense that they...fell down....and then got back up....and started eating eachother..." <
Lastly,
Happy Birthday
Courtney Star
Love to my girl, for all we've been through together.

Another Lame Ass Survey.

2005-10-19T00:57:52Z

Today was ugh. Class, Class, Shopping.
We had to walk all around the mall trying to find an ATM, because Josh owed a friend who works at HMV $50, or something
I didn't even buy anything..Except Land of the Dead.
They had this huge Halloween display area, I loved it.
So PJ, Jamie & I had a little family movie night, It was gorgeous.
Then we went to Dairy Queen & Bethany and I got Cappicuno Moo Lattes. Mmmmm.
Melissa is driving up for the weekend.
I think.
Alex wants to go clubbing, but ugh.
I'm into just lazying around & I want boyfriend time.
This means Melissa can hang out with PJ & Jamie majority of the time, while I bug Brian.
Excellent.
Back to "what we would do if a zombie-disease spread throughout the world"
...God, wtf?

10 YEARS AGO I WAS:
Fucking cute, and absolutely innocent.

5 YEARS AGO I WAS:
Turning into the bitch we all know and love.

1 YEAR AGO I WAS:
Happily enjoying life with some of the best friends ever.

YESTERDAY I:
- Went to classes, and wanted to shoot myself.
- Went out for lunch w/ Sima, Feruza & Jen.
- Had a huge headache

TOMORROW I WILL:
- Sleep in, YES!
- Bake chocolate chip banana bread, mmmm.
- Go to the movies.

5 FAVOURITE SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO:
As of late?
1)Pain - Jimmy Eat World
2)Hear You Me - Jimmy Eat World
3)Beautifully Broken - Ashlee Simpson
4)Behind These Hazel Eyes - Kelly Clarkson
5)She Has A Girlfriend Now - Reel Big Fish

5 THINGS I WOULD DO WITH $100 MILLION DOLLARS:
1)Buy myself a house.
2)Buy my mother a house.
3)Buy new cars.
4)Travel.
5)Some to a few charities, and live off the rest.

5 PLACES I WOULD RUN AWAY TO:
1)Le-Paris [With Danielle, of course.]
2)Michigan [To bug the hell out of Jackey]
3)Australia [To hang out with Kangaroos]
4)Kevin's House [Because he cooks damn good food]
5)Brian's House [Just to steal the wine lamp, I promise!]

5 THINGS I WOULD NEVER WEAR:
1)Any clothing from Zellers/Walmart/K-Mart. [Yes, I'm lame.]
2)The color orange.
3)A shiny silver sequin shirt.
4)Mocassin shoes, apparently they're "in".
5)Cowboy boots with TNA pants, wtf?

5 BAD HABITS:
1)Biting my nails.
2)Not trusting people.
3)Whining about EVERYTHING.
4)Procrastinating.
5)Being naive & gullible.

5 BIGGEST JOYS:
1)My Boyfriend.
2)Family, Friends & Cats.
3)Photography.
4)Zombie Movies.
5)Shopping.

5 BIGGEST FLAWS:
1)Too emotional/easily upset.
2)Annoying.
3)Rude & Ignorant.
4)I have a huge forehead.
5)I find it hard to let go.

5 FICTIONAL CHARACTERS I WOULD DATE:
1)Mario.
2)All the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
3)Link.
4)Spider-Man.
5)Sonic the Hedgehog, MMHM.

5 PEOPLE I TAG TO DO THIS:
Too lazy. Everyone, do it.

Ugh, Gurgle Gurgle.

2005-10-17T20:10:31Z

I'm a god-be-damned post whore.
It's incredibly terrible, on my part.
Whatever, I totally enjoy venting and rambling.
..
I don't feel the way I've ever felt. I know.
I'm gonna smile and not get worried. I try but it shows.
Anyone can make what I have built. And better now.
Anyone can find the same white pills. It takes my pain away.

First day of classes after being sick = shit.
There was so much I should have been there for..
Including like 7 assignments between English & Health Science leading up to mid-term.

There are so many reasons to love being sick, and being able to stay home happens to be one of them

Mainly because:

1. The pricks in my English class don't know how to fucking comprehend a piece of literature.
Hell, half of them don't know what the fuck a predicate is.
2. I don't know why half of the people even fucking attend, because all they do is sit there like dumbasses, staring.
They seriously need to just all drop out.
And it's pretty sad when I've been gone on and off for 3 weeks, and I can still keep up...when all of them don't know anything.
3. I've had a massive headache all day
Which wasn't helped by the constant complaints of one of the most severely unhinged people I've ever met.
And may I add that she talks...like...this...and...pauses...after...every...bloody...word.
4. The medications I'm on makes me extremely exhausted.
On top of the fact I was up ALL night, because Kyle called me.
Then I talked to Brian until like 4am, and finally fell asleep at 430.
Only to be woken up by my alarm at 7.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Frustration has overcome me.
It truly has.
..

On an extremely happier note, I get to go shopping tomorrow.
With Bethany, no less.
We both need new fall clothes, and then we vote sushi afterwards [because we had it for lunch today and were overly content].
Shopping with her is awesome, because we go into..like.. every store.
On top of new makeup pigments, [because my old ones bore me now]I've decided to buy new Uggs.
Since my old ones got dirty, and it's also not the "in" thing anymore.
I can atleast try to be somewhat unique, I guess.
..

Like a week ago I decided for my birthday I wanted this necklace from Tiffany & Co.
It's like $350,and I saw something similar at a store downtown for $120, but it's fucking gorgeous.
And like come on, Tiffany & Co. <3<3<3
So I'm torn between it, a new digi-cam & a new laptop.
Like, I know if I don't get the other 2 for my birthday, I automatically get it for Christmas.
But ugh, I don't know.
Maybe I'll just ask for money and buy whatever I want??...
Undecided.
..

I haven't talked to my "boy" all day.
I'm not even sure of the stance of our relationship.
But apparently he stills loves me, due to his last entry.
Yayyayayayay.
I trust him more than I've ever trusted anyone.
And if I find happiness with someone, why jeapordize that, thinking something better might happen.
Better doesn't exist, it only gets worse.
In my case, thinking I'm still in love with an ex who decided to "just leave" me for nearly a month, and still won't give me the time of day.
He was the right one for cutting off all ties, and I was wrong for thinking this time things would be different.
He just added more confusion and more hurt.
And I think I'm better than that.
So the outcome is Brian adores me, And I adore him..it's more than enough.
I'm not one of those people who believe "emotions develop over time"..Either it's there or it isn't.
In this case it is, and I've decided I definately want to build on that.
It's really up to him, if he wants to.
This paragraph probably made him start thinking, but I'm hoping for the best..
I'm offically the happiest I've been in a long time. I confess things, and he still adores me.
Now THAT is love <3<3<3(:
As for everything else..I guess I just got tired of being the last thing on your mind..
..

My updates are long.
I'm tired.
Nobody is around to talk to.
I love myself.
Sneaking in a nap before dinner.
Adios Lovlies.

.....

2005-10-16T18:02:31Z

I need to grow up.
I need to stop throwing my insecurities at other people.
I need to stop blaming other people for my idiocy.
I just need to stop hurting people.

Commence tears, hatred & heartache.

Welcome back regret, depression & lonliness.

Goodbye hapiness, comfort & love.

EDIT: I didn't want to walk away from you, but I have to...so I did.
But it's a false sense of accomplishment.
On the outside, I'm happy I finally have a backbone.
On the inside, I've disintegrated to absolutely nothing.
I feel sorry for myself.
But I love you.

What A Sad & Boring Night.

2005-10-16T05:50:43Z

Friday: Consisted of nothing really.
Le-Brian and I were up for like...8 hours talking.
He's incredibly awesome, totally sweet & irritatingly perfect.
Although at some times I may completely contradict those three statements.
But they're completely true.
Other Brian didn't wake up until nearly 2 in the morning
So we spent the rest of the night on our cellphones until he passed out.
I called Will at 6am and made plans for Monday.
he was kind of pissed at me for waking him up..
Which was awesome because he does it to me all the time..
And I hardly EVER get annoyed with him.
I fell asleep shortly after.

..
Today: I didn't do much of anything.
Discussed stuff with Le-Brian..
Chitchated and bugged Kevin, because he's a homie.
And that's about it.
Brian wanted to do something, so he called me at 11:30
He was complaining he was tired, but he wanted to hang out.
So I told him to sleep for an hour, and then call me.
Surprise surprise, he keeps sleeping.
I'm clearly not very important.
Whatever, it just means the awkward visit is post-poned.
I want to sleep, but I'm talking to Will.
He'll keep me occupied until I fall asleep at my keyboard..
That's definately love.
I'm just going to go to lay in bed and get him to call.

..

My updates are continuing to get lamer.

ps+ Danielle, post the overrides for your layout, I've decided I LOVE it. (:

Edit: Wimpy text messages at 5 in the morning make everything better <3.

Survey.

2005-10-15T05:51:20Z

Brian won't go to bed.
I personally want to kick his ass.
Yeah, I think I will.

* section 1 - whats it all about*

+ Known as: Le Candace Le Stratton
+ Lives in: North York / Thornhill (aka Greater Toronto Area).
+ Birthday: November 14th.
+ Religion: Christian.
+ Shoe size: 7.
+ Hair color: Naturally blonde, Currently brown.
+ Eye color: Blue
+ Style: I like to see it as "Casually sophisticated'

* section 2 - have you ever... *

+ Cheated on someone?: Sadly, yes.
+ Been Cheated on?: Again, yes.
+ Fallen off the bed?: PUSHED off the bed, yes.
+ Broken someone’s heart?: Yes, regretfully.
+ Had your heart broken?: Way too many times.
+ Had a dream come true?: Mmmhm.
+ Done something you regret?: Quite a few. One sticks out more clearly.
+ Cheated on a test?: Yes.

* section 3 - currently *

+ Wearing?: Chocolate brown cashmere sweater, & silky suzy shier pants.
+ Listening to?: Brian talk. Because he's extremely hot..and his accent is to die for.
+ Chatting with?: Brian as well.
+ Watching?: The screen.
+ Should REALLY be doing? Sleeping.

* section 4 - do you... *

+ Brush your teeth?: Um..yes..Yes I do.
+ Have any piercings?: Yes.
+ Drive?: I can, yes I can.
+ Drink?: Not often.
+ Smoke?: Quit.
+ Got a cell?: 3 infact.

* section 5 - the last person you... *

+ Hugged?: My mommy.
+ Kissed?: Arwen.
+ IMed?: Brian.
+ Talked on the phone: Brian.
+ Yelled at?: Brian.

* section 6 - personal *

+ What has been the best day of your life?: Undecided.
+ What comes first in your life?: Family.
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?: Yes I do...unfortunately. [Baby! I dissed you.]
+ What are you most scared of?: Spiders.
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: my boyfriend/what time I have to wake up.
+ Did you lose someone you really loved?: Yes, but we're becoming friends.
+ How many times have you fallen in love?: Twice?
+ Love your family?: More than anything.
+ Love your friends?: Majority of them.
+ Are you a virgin?: Not.

* section 7 - favorite *

+ Movie: Miss Congeniality.
+ Song: Pain - Jimmy Eat World
+ Band: Jimmy Eat World
+ Store: Nine West.
+ Relative: Jamie, he hearts my world.
+ Sport: Hockey.
+ Ice Cream Flavor: Chocolate chip cookie dough.
+ Fruit: Hmm..all berries?
+ Junk Food: Cookies.
+ Day of the Week: Friday [all day with Pooh Bear]
+ Time: 12pm
+ Color: Pink
+ Name for a Girl: Hope.
+ Name for a Boy: Sidney...(:..okay I lied. Brian, quite obviously.

* section 8 - do you *

+ Like to give hugs?: I love to give hugs.
+ Like to give kisses?: To special people.
+ Like to walk in the rain?: If i'm not wearing a sweater. More like a tank top sort of thing.
+ Prefer black or blue pens?: Black.
+ Like to travel?: Yes.
+ Sleep on your side, stomach or back?: A little bit of everything. Depends where I'm sleeping.
+ Have a goldfish?: Nope.
+ Ever have the falling dream?: Way too many times.
+ Have stuffed animals?: Way too many.

* section 9 - what do you think about... *

+ Abortion: Terrible, but I guess in some cases..there isn't a healthy and logical alternative.
+ Suicide: It's for weak people. Then again, if I had nothing going right, I might be in the same state of mind.
+ Smoking: It's stupid.
+ Eating disorders: Media's definition of beautiful is pathetic, and people who just want to live up to that are sickening.
+ Summer: It should be longer.
+ Tattoos: Sexy.
+ Piercings: Sexier.

* section 10 - this or that *

+ Pierced nose or tongue?: Tongue.
+ Single or taken?: I'd rather be taken. I need a sense of security always.
+ MTV or BET?: MTV..I'm not into the whole "rap scene"
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek?: Neither?
+ Sugar or salt?: Sugaaaaaar.
+ Silver or gold?: Silver.
+ Chocolate or flowers?: Flowers, they don't make me gain weight.
+ Color or Black-and-white photos?: Black and white.
+ M&Ms or Skittles?: Skittles.
+ Stay up late or sleep in?: Oh, I can't pick.
+ Hot or cold?: Cold.
+ Mustard or ketchup?: Ketchup..ew mustard.
+ Spring or Fall?: Fall.
+ Happy or sad?: I think I'd rather be happy.
+ Wonder or amazement?: Amazement, wonder makes my mind boggled.
+ Mexican or Italian: italian.
+ Candy or Soda?: Candy, yay.
+ Pepsi or Coke?: pepsi, it doesn't burn my throat.

Serious Picture Post Under The Cut.

2005-10-13T22:59:42Z

Today = Uneventful.
Like everyday.
I'm still sick.
I'm still taking medication.
I'm still bitching about nothing.
..
I'm just getting more stressed.
You finally figure things out with life, and then BANG.
Yeah, I fucked up.
I hate being thrown into situations, that I would really rather ignore.
& Here I go being an emo kid, because everything in life is turning out to be worthless.
Between hearing a series of arguments, being involved in a series of arguments, being sick, getting frustrated by people, and re-thinking everything out...
I've just come to the conclusion to hate everything.
I don't want to put up with it.
I don't even care to try.
I just don't want to do it.
Leave me alone, if all you're going to do is add more useless junk.
Yes, I'm being a whiney bitch.
Deal.
ps+ Thanks for the call/talk today Brian
..
I'm taking the great opportunity that I promised 3 - 4 days ago.
PICTUUURESSS.
There are also some random ones of pretty little me, because...
I've been taking random pictures when I have nothing to do.
..
Enjoy.
Comment on the ugliness.
~~I know he's someone, you'd hate to be. He has me, and you're left with a memory.~~

Starting with Halloween Night @ Le Cottage.

I dressed brother Jamie up like a woman.

PJ was so amazed....

That he followed suit.

So did Douglas.

PJ punching Megan. Ben smiling. & Sam doing makeup.

Shilo & I took a brief posing moment.

My lame best friends, Samantha & Laura.

Sam & I, looking absolutely bewildered.
Lollipops & All. We look fat -.-

Laura, Myself & Sami, attempting to be cool.

The group, by an enormous pumpkin. Mmhm.
Megan. PJ, Doug, Shilo, Ben, Jamie, Myself,
Laura, Samantha & Jen.

|Same junk, different picture.

"The Cool Table" @ the barn dance.

Quick pose Beauty Queen Janie. ;)

Jamie taking a snapshot with Shilo.

Samantha being a naughty angel.

& then we all got loaded and forgot about taking pictures.

Just a little bit of Candi.

Dressed for winter. Well no, I just like my hat & scarf
with my braided hair. MMHM.

No..I don't know what I was doing here..but it looks fun.

I only took the picture of one of my medications. Hy & Zels? WTF?!

Yeah, that night my makeup was fucked, so I did my hair silly.
I have fishnets on my arms, hardcorely adorable.
I have such a big fucking head.

It looks like I'm a superhero looking up.
And I still have a big head.

Me & my big teddy bear Brian gave me. It's sooo cute. AwWwWw.

I give him a big kiss (:

My main man..EEYORE. Yes..I photoshoped this bitch.

Me & Pink Poodle.

Me staring at poodle.

Me kissing poodle. Le-AWWWWW.

The End.

I'm No Longer Me.

2005-10-12T17:48:29Z

So...
I went to the doctor today.
He says I have a throat infection, ~~yet it could be mono.~~ he said it's definately just a throat infection, and Christi said I don't need my tonsels out. YAY!
Not good. He put me on a shitload of antibiotics.
3 times a day.
Bite me.

..
The last couple of days have been rough.
Thoroughly possible to explain.

..
On top of it all, my own boyfriend doesn't want to stay around and hang out with me.
He'd rather go to see a film with his friends.
I know you had this planned, but your girlfriend is an emotional and physical wreck, and all you can do is say "When you feel better to talk about it, please talk to me".
What...the...fuck...

..
Will came home yesterday.
He called me last night when I was at a movie with Jamie, and I forgot to call him back.
I'll do so at some other point in time.

I tried giving Brian a call, but he didn't answer.
Something I'm absolutely use to, that I don't even bother letting it go to the voicemail anymore.
He did text message me asking if I called, in a very subtle "I don't care, but did you?" kind of way.
I texted him back that I did, but it wasn't important, and that was it.
I'm quite proud how I don't let him get to me anymore.

Over him?
I vote, yes.

..
Quit smoking, completely.
Due to my mother seeing and lecturing me for an hour and a half.
Health comes before anything.

..
My bloody Ipod broke again. For God sakes.
It takes 20 minutes to restore it and put all the music back on
but then it works for 10 minutes and then it dies and says I need to restore it again.
Re-fucking-diculous.
..
I need rest.
I should get down to that.
Much love.

G o o d M o r n i n g H e a r t a c h e , Y o u ' r e L i k e An O l d F r i e n d . C o m e A n d S e e M e Ag a i n .

EDIT: Brian called me today.
We talked for like 2.5 hours, surprisingly.
I find comfort and reassurance in his voice, regardless of what he's saying.
Call it alleviating if you want, but it's the truth.
I think we've re-created a friendship, if anything.
I'm pretty sure that's as deep as it'll go.
I know his trust level towards me is far in the negatives, and I know that I wouldn't be able to bare losing him again.
So as of now, I feel as though my full heart just entered my life all over again.
Let's just hope it stays that way.

And So The Long Weekend Ends.

2005-10-10T17:26:50Z

"I can't wait to see you..I want to see if you still have that look in your eyes. That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes. It's a shame that we have to spend our time being mad about the same things..I don't know what else to do. I can't go on not loving you."
And that's my last "I wish we were back together, this is stupid, and I miss you" lyric quote.
Because I get it now.
I'm not settling for different.
Infact, different is better.

..
On a happy note..
Good weekend at le cottage.
It was really good.
I think just spending time with everyone cheered me up.
Not that I haven't been happy, it was just needed to kill an emotional "thing" I've been battling myself over.
Now all is well, Candace is content.

..
We had our "pre-halloween" up at the cottage, so don't be surprised if my next post consists of pictures of my friends and I wearing some sort of animal ears & bow ties and in my brother Jamie's case, dressed as a woman.
And me looking grumpy in some, because I was too old to trick-or-treat...bastards.
Overall, fucking amazing.
Friday & Saturday were more of our "relax-and-don't-do-anything-except-eat-poutines-and-gossip-about-people" days.
By Sunday, ugh.
To me, it's just one big colorful blur filled with

a) Way too many laughs that couldn't possibly be considered "sober mentality".
b) My legs hurting this morning from 6 straight hours of walking and then dancing.
& c) Me having absolutely no voice, because of the extreme quantity of screaming.

..
Oh my god, so tired.
I missed Pooh bear.

Hurry your ass up and get home.
..
Thanksgiving dinner = postponed until next weekend.
Due to "errbody being sick, and no time".
Eff that, y0.

EDIT:
Matt: Thanks for being totally awesome & gorgeous and then proceeding to dance like a total fag with me. You're the only ex that rocks so hard!..bad pun.. And you are welcome into the family, anytime! <3
Jamie: For letting me dress you like a woman, and continuing to love it. & Thank you for dancing with me and allowing me to win a prize <3.
Brad: For telling me that I'm the only person who can be short and get away with it, and then giving me your hat for several pictures.
& finally Shilo: Thank you for pushing the overly drunk horny girl off of me when I was talking to Darryl's friend, and then bitching at her & thank you for mall trolling with me on both Friday & Saturday <3.

Much Love Bitches.

W-H-O-M-P.

2005-10-06T18:05:35Z

I very pathetically was way too tired to go to class today.
So I stayed home.
Kicking me out must sound awfully good to them.
I woke up to PJ pulling my comforters off the first time, and then fell back asleep.
The second time, it was him play fighting with me, and Jamie just laughing.
I love them, but they're such bastards.
..

We're going to the cottageeeeee for the long weekend. [Tonight or tomorrow, not so sure.]
It's basically the last weekend anyone is going to see eachother for awhile.
Atleast until PJ's/My birthday.
..

Anyways.
PJ & Jamie went out to the mall or something.
I should watch a movie or something until they get back.
Maybe they bought me something.
Doubtful, very doubtful.
..

Have a good weekend everybody ♥ . Don't die without me.

ps+ I'll miss you baby [Brian]. I love you ♥.

ps++ I'll miss you Danielle, Feel Better ♥.

ps+++ Patrick, I offically hate you [No I don't, but still!]. I'm so paranoid ♥.

Tagged.

2005-10-06T01:29:16Z

</a></a>10 Things I Love

o1. Myself. [Arrogant, I know.]
o2. My Family & Friends.
o3. Fall.
o4. My Cats. [Arwen & Eowyn.]
o5. Fashion.
o6. Poetry.
o7. Photography.
o8. Vibrant Eye Makeup.
o9. Pointless Drama.
1o. Boys Who Know I Adore Them, But Are In Denile.

I Tag :
Y'all who want to do it, y0.
Which better be the majority of you.
Or Death.

This Is How It All Goes Down My Friend.

2005-10-04T03:17:02Z

Ugh, wtf?
I just woke up.
I decided to nap, and now I'm clueless as to what I should do.
This is going to be long.
Read it..or um..Not.

..
I found out it was Will who called me so many times today.
So it's okay not to be mad, because it's Will. Nothing beats a late night phonecall with him at 2 in the morning.
Well, one thing.
Our phone batteries.
We were both very rudely interrupted by the beeps of our phones, telling us we had 4.3 seconds to say bye.
This resulted in him yelling "FUCK!" very loud.
And I saying "call me to-", dead.
I miss him, and I still have another week to go.
..
I also miss my boyfriend.
Like, a lot.
I probably text message him every 2 hours, although I know he's completely out cold, sleeping.
Pooh beaaar, send me a message when you wake up, please?
The one thing I absolutely adore about this boy
Is his ability to see right through me.
He knows when I'm genuinely angry, or upset or happy.
It's completely awesome .
Added to the fact, we fight, but in a compassionate way.
And our fights aren't meaningless, they always serve a purpose.
Allow me to marry you, right now..
..

I have the next 2 days off.
This will consist of
Me catching up on needed sleep.
boyfriend.
Dinner with Steph, Jen, Feruza & Sima. [Perhaps Kate?]
& sewing/making a series of pillows for my bed.
Mmmhm .
..

Dinner with Catherine & Bethany is pushed until Thursday.
Damn Bethany for having to work ever other day.
And she also has choir until 5pm..
So she's just coming over when she's done.
Tres excited .
She wants me to buy her the same phone case I have.
Perhaps..
..

I have to check what movies are playing.
My brother Jamie & I are going to a movie tomorrow.

He's awesome.
YOU'RE AWESOME!!!
.. Shall do that.

..
Love you bitches.

Oy Vey.

2005-10-03T14:36:44Z

So, I just got my health mid-term thrown at me.
I figured I did...well..
Although if I went to the class more often, I would have done better.
My notes suck. [Not as bad as yours Brian]
So I kind of just sat there, staring in disbelief.
How the hell can they manage to give a mid-term at the beginning of October, when Mid-terms are suppose to go on before we go on break?
Fucking ridiculous.
That's what it is.
ps++ Good way to miss a mid-term Catherine.
..

I have the worst headache known to mankind.
Christian, Dave & Aaron were highly amused by my new cellphone.
Lame.

..

I'm totally going to go eat Jen's celery, because I'm on break now.

I have another class from 12 until 1, and then another from 2-3.

I hate this.

Feel free to kill me now.

EDIT: Boyfriends create so much unnecessary drama.
People call me when I'm in class, three times! If I don't answer it, it's for a reason.
Nice people buy cigarettes one period, and by the end of the day they're gone..and then they bitch to me. Don't give so many away then!
/end rant.

mzcandi @ 2005-10-02T11:41:00

2005-10-02T15:42:49Z

So, it’s come to the point where he’s ignoring my phone calls.
How pathetic am I?
The whole point was I thought I didn’t care anymore.
Not for one minute did I think this would close everything.
I’m just hurt.
If a few months ago you told me that it would have developed into this, I wouldn’t have kept talking to him after we broke up.
Like, wtf?
I don’t even feel the need to rant any further.
I wish him the best.
I think in my mind, I was just hoping for the best...
And got the worst, go figure...
..
On to other things, Miguel came over last night.
He ended up staying until like 4am, and went home.
*tear*
He hung out playing videogames for awhile, and then we moved his car [because he was parked somewhere where he would be towed] and watched Alien vs. Predator.
Didn’t see much of it because we kept being silly and also talking.
But it was somewhat good.
I missed him..a lot.
..
I’ll update later if I have anything else to say, because as of now..it’s only 11:39am, and nothing has “gone down”.

ps++ Happy Birthday Patrick. Love you dude.
Promise me you’ll have a good night and get loaded.